Feel the Thunder

We interrupt your regularly scheduled programming for this word from our sponsors. Well, not really, but I would like to ask you all for a bit of help.

Schreyer Ink Publishing is running a Thunderclap campaign for Open Minds, an anthology that I have a story in. We have 9 days to get 48 more supporters and I know we can do it.

18053318_10158611225740613_2134971717_o Open Minds features 6 authors, including me. The theme for this anthology was tolerance and acceptance. The stories are amazing, all of them.

We need your help to spread the word about this book. I think you should support this book because we need stories like this. We need stories that shine a light on acceptance in terms of race, religion, and gender/sexuality. We need to give these stories a platform to share their message because it’s a message that’s crucial right now as fear and mistrust runs rampant in our world.

I’ve included a sneak peek at the story I have included in this anthology:mixed up teaser

There will be more sneak peeks at the book launch on June 1st. You can join the launch here.

In the mean time please head over here and add your support to our Thunderclap campaign. You can add your Twitter, Facebook, and/or Tumblr account. Reblog this post, share the campaign on Facebook and Twitter. Every person counts and we appreciate your support.

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OPEN MINDS Cover Reveal

Finally the cover is out!

Schreyer Ink Publishing

Open Minds is Schreyer Ink Publishing’s first anthology. The official release date is set for June 1st. The e-book edition will be available for pre-order May 15th. The official launch party will be taking place virtually on June 1st. Simply join this Facebook event for more details: https://www.facebook.com/events/1397557710287069

The cover for Open Minds was designed by Andreas Ganz who designed the covers for Pieces and Complex 48, both by Casia Schreyer.

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Andreas is available for custom cover design work. Simply use the contact form on the blog and use the subject: Cover Query and Andreas will be in touch!

So, without further ado, here is the cover for Open Minds:

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Open Minds features 7 stories about tolerance, acceptance, intolerance, and fear. For sneak peeks and more, we’ll see you at the launch!

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Cover Reveal

Which project is up next? That’s the big question, isn’t it. I know a lot of people are waiting for Rose Garden #2. I know I have been talking about a few different projects that are in different stages of completion. So which one is getting a cover today?

Well, it happens to be my next children’s book: Nelly-Bean and the Adventures of Nibbles.

About a year ago I released Nelly-Bean and the Kid Eating Garbage Can Monster.

garbage can

And a while later I released it in French as well.

Now Andreas and I have teamed up again to bring you an all new Nelly-Bean book, this time about a ladybug named Nibbles who moves in to Nelly-Bean’s room.

Like the first Nelly-Bean book, The Adventures of Nibbles features easy to read pages that parents won’t find frustrating or boring when asked to read the book again and again. The art style has been completely remodeled, but I think we’ve hit on the final style for the rest of the series now.

The illustrations are nearly complete and then it’s a simple matter of formatting the whole thing for print and getting all the files uploaded. We’re looking at a publication date in early November, just in time for Christmas.

So, without further ado, I give you the first ever public look at Nelly-Bean and the Adventures of Nibbles.

nibbles

Rose in the Dark Preview

To celebrate The Roses of Airon reaching 100 downloads I am sharing the prologue of Rose in the Dark.
The Roses of Airon is the prequel to the Rose Garden series. Rose in the Dark is the first novel in that series.
If you haven’t read The Roses of Airon you can download a copy FREE: http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/504253
Please leave a review!

17th of Star Rise, 24th Year of the 11th Rebirth, Golden Hall, Capital City of the Province of the Metalkin – The Wedding of Princess Mallory Jewel-Rose

Princess Rheeya Stone-Rose liked weddings. She liked the silky feeling of her new red dress. She liked the sparkling lights and the sparkling wine.
I only hope my wedding is this lovely.
Rheeya was seated at a finely set table with three other young women; the princesses of the Evergrowth, the Animal-People, and the Sun-Temple. The four of them had grown up together at the Temple of the Sun but they had spent the last twelve years in their separate provinces. And then, six months ago, they had been called together by the High Priest of Vinturuth. His story had shaken them all.
“A fifth princess?!” Rheeya had asked.
“Of course,” the High Priest had replied. “One for each province. Didn’t you ever wonder where the princess of the Metalkin was?”
Betha, the Princess of Evergrowth, had rolled her eyes. “Obviously the last Metalkin princess didn’t have any children.”
“That’s not how this works. You are not the children of the last Rose Princesses; you ARE the last Rose Princesses reborn. And you were not born here. You were born far from the Isle of Light and you were brought here as infants.”
“So, where is the Princess of Metalkin,” Betha had asked.
“We never found her. She’s still in the other realm. And if we don’t find her soon our realm will be in grave danger.”
Rheeya shook her head and turned her attention back to the feast at hand. Servants were bringing out silver platters of roasted meats and steaming vegetables. Other servants moved between the tables with golden pitchers refilling goblets with sweet wine or strong ale.
At the head table sat Mallory Brock Jewel-Rose, the newly found Princess of Metalkin. Her white dress and elaborately braided hair were adorned with roses, the symbol of the princesses and their pact with Vinturuth, the Sun God. Beside her sat a broad-chested and dark-haired man with eyes as cold as iron. Rheeya shivered.
I hold out hope that my own prince, my soul mate, will be warm and gentle. But I am the Princess of the Stone Clan. What warmth is there in stone?
The music started and Rheeya forgot about other realms and dark spirits and her fear of a cold, unfeeling husband as she clapped her hands and smiled. Mallory is so lucky. What a beautiful wedding. Beside her the other princesses also laughed and clapped, celebrating the beginning of a prosperous time for them all. With five princesses sitting on the five thrones, upholding the pact and the sustaining magic of the realm, the realm could now begin to heal.

Casia’s Speech from the Nothing Everything Nothing Book Launch

Thanks, Steph, and thanks everyone for coming out this evening. (something about the weather or the roads). Nothing Everything Nothing is not a book I imagined myself writing. Most of my unfinished drafts are fantasy novels, or paranormal novels, or even science fiction, but not straight up realism like this one.
This past summer I went to visit my grandmother and she said, “I don’t want you to be too alarmed. Your cousin tried to overdose on her medication and she’s in the hospital, she’s going to be fine.” This cousin is also my goddaughter.
She wasn’t going to be fine. She was going to live, but I knew that she had a long road ahead of her, and I knew there was little, or nothing, I could do to help. I’m not a doctor, I’m not a psychologist or counselor, and I had no idea what to say to someone who was recovering from something like that. I’m socially awkward at the best of times! Seriously, getting up here to talk is not a problem, but stick me in a crowd at a cocktail party and I’m lost.
What I do know how to do is write. So I started this book. Originally I was aiming for about 30-40 K, the main character was named after my cousin and looked like my cousin, and the book was going to have a happy ending. All I wanted from this book was to have a girl my cousin could relate to and have her hit rock bottom and have her still find a happy ending. Because I wanted my cousin’s story to one day have a happy ending.
I think the first draft was 39K. I gave it to a friend of mine who I knew was well read, and familiar with depression and suicide and this is basically what he told me:
This book is too short, it feels like an outline. I want to know all about the characters, how they came to this point, you need to give yourself a bigger canvas and make this a novel.
I went over the draft and expanded, drawing up an outline of changes. It was about this time that two things happened. First, I changed the title, and the name of the main character. As the story evolved I knew this was becoming more than I’d intended, and it felt wrong to put my cousin through the things that Molly was going to go through. Second, Robin Williams committed suicide. Suddenly everyone was talking about living with depression and recovering from suicide and I had dozens of blogs and articles on the subject come across my Facebook newsfeed and my blog reader. I read all of them. I wanted this novel to be an accurate, and compassionate, look at something that affected thousands of people every year.
The revisions included the addition of over 2 dozen completely new, from scratch scenes. 18 of those were in a row and they were the hardest to write because they form the emotional core of the book. The entire hospital recovery sequence had to be reworked to reflect the new storyline and the information I had learned during my research. Dozens of other scenes needed little details, like names or dates or time references, changed to match the new storyline.
When all that was done it went back to my friend for another reading and he said,
It is kind of unusual that I hear depressed folks in books actual sound depressed. Molly captured that and the slow detailed build up will be familiar to anyone suffering this condition. The pace is actually a little depressing, you know its coming and you just want it over with. you made me feel not like I was reading about Molly.. you made me empathize with her, not an easy task. here you either become Molly and if not Molly herself you find yourself wanting to save her. I really wish you were a worse writer .. I usually have a list of NO’s and that’s all wrong
After that it was off to my grandmother, who has been editing school papers for 40 years, to be read over for typos. Then I went through with a fine tooth comb and fixed as much as I could, making one last big change – the sequence of scenes at the pool was second, and the sequence with Brandon was first, but I switched them. Then I started the publication process, with a little help from Marianne Curtis, and here it is.

The book deals a lot with cyber bullying, bullying in general, street harassment, sexual harassment, depression, suicide, and recovery. In the background it also touches on eating disorders, and the system of popularity.
There is a new movie out, or coming out shortly, titled DUFF. According to the trailer it stands for Designated Ugly Fat Friend. The idea is that a group of pretty girls have one dumpy friend who makes them look better and acts as a go-between between the friends and their crushes. Who knew that Molly’s situation in Nothing Everything Nothing would get a catchy name and a movie? This exchange between Molly’s friends happens early in the book:

In Kirsten’s room they called up Julie, setting Kirsten’s cell to speaker phone and flopping on the bed.
“I don’t treat her badly,” Julie huffed as Kirsten told her about the conversation with Lance. “It’s just friendly banter. It’s not my fault that Molly can’t take a joke.”
“Well we know that,” Kirsten said, rolling her eyes. “What we don’t know is why Lance is interested in Molly. She can’t flirt, she’s not that pretty, she’s on the large side, she’s socially awkward …”
“I’m still wondering why you let her hang out with us this year,” Julie said. “You knew all that when you invited her to that hang-out in September. She’s only been trying to be friends with us since ninth grade, the needy little …”
“Julie, you can’t be popular if people don’t like you,” Kirsten said.
Julie sighed. “But couldn’t we find adoring fans that are actually interesting to be around?”
“That would be beside the point. They’re supposed to be interested in us, not the other way around. And the boys are supposed to be interested in us too.”
Amanda propped herself up on an elbow. “I think it’s sweet. Molly will be so happy to be the center of attention.”
Kirsten glared at Amanda until the girl blushed and looked away. “Well, if Lance wants to make Molly the center of attention so will we.”
“I thought we weren’t going to help Lance,” Amanda said, confused.
“What do you have in mind, Kirsten?” Julie said.
“Oh, nothing much, we’ll just pay attention to everything about Molly so that Lance sees just how awkward she is and will stop paying attention to her.”
“I don’t want to pay attention to Molly,” Julie snapped. “I don’t even like her being a part of the group.”
Kirsten rolled her eyes. “Then we’ll drift away from her over the summer. Until then, let’s make sure everyone knows she’s less than we are, and that we’re just so kind to make her a part of our group.”

I was bullied for many years, though my bullying was mild by any standard. My testimonial was included in Rae of Hope: Stories of Survivors, written by Marianne Curtis. It was launched last week and she has a few copies with her if you want to take a look.
My own desire to see an end to bullying shows up in my book through the character of Brandon, Molly’s childhood friend. He does a presentation on bullying in school. I want to share that passage with you as well but I need a break from talking, and you’re probably sick of listening to me.
My godfather, my Uncle Len, is here and will be reading the next selection. He used to read to us around the camp fire and I particularly remember his telling of Rikki Ticky Tavi from The Jungle Book when I was younger, and more recently, his ability to read George Carlin and have you hear George Carlin.

READING BY LEN G.

At first the camera bounced around, showing Brandon at the front of the room setting up his presentation board and organizing his paper. The camera quickly steadied and she heard the teacher’s voice ask, “Are you ready Brandon?”
“Yes, I’m ready.”
“Okay,” the teacher said. “Our final presentation is Brandon. Please give him your full attention.”
Brandon stood in front of a blank presentation board. Someone close to the camera snickered. Brandon took a deep breath and said, “I was going to do a presentation on drug usage but after recent events I changed my mind. I want to talk about teen suicide.
“Suicide is the second leading cause of death for youth between the ages of 10 and 24. People commit suicide for a variety of reasons.”
Molly sat staring at the screen as Brandon went on about factors and statistics and warning signs. Throughout his speech his presentation board remained blank.
“Bullying is also a prominent motivator behind teen suicides. Weight, appearances, race, sexuality, and odd or misunderstood hobbies or interests have all made teens targets for bullies. In the last ten years bullying has moved out of the hallways, change rooms, and cafeterias and into the digital world. Teens are teased via text message and over social media. Hate pages are put up online and receive thousands of hits every day. This form of bullying goes unchecked because schools cannot supervise or intervene and freedom of speech on the internet is often twisted to include bullying. Add to that a bully’s favourite defense ‘it was just a joke’ and it’s no wonder authorities are powerless to stop it.
“I would like to look at three cases where cyber bullying drove a teenager to suicide. In doing so I would like to show that this behaviour is not funny and should never be dismissed as a joke.
Finally Brandon half turned and stuck two pieces of paper to the board. Two teenage girls now smiled out at the class. “These girls are Amanda Todd and Megan Meier. They both committed suicide. Megan killed herself in 2006 after two fellow students, and a parent, created a fake MySpace account and befriended her online. After weeks of very pleasant exchanges this fake friend changed his tone and told Megan: “Everybody in O’Fallon knows who you are. You are a bad person and everybody hates you. Have a shitty rest of your life. The world would be a better place without you.” She hung herself that same day.
“Amanda was coaxed into revealing her body to an online friend. He then blackmailed her and tormented her online for three years. Using fake accounts on social media sites he turned everyone at her school against her. When she changed schools, and towns, he did it again. After three years of this continual abuse she killed herself.”
Molly was speechless; the class in the foreground of the video was not. There were murmurs and whispers until the teacher finally said, “That’s enough. Let’s let Brandon finish his presentation.”
Brandon placed a third photo on the presentation board. “This is Molly. She was in our class. Now she’s in the hospital. She attempted suicide, not because of a mental illness or a learning disorder, or because she used drugs. Like Amanda Todd and Megan Meier, she was pushed into suicide.”
The class erupted and the camera started shaking again. Over the talking and shouting of the students the teacher was saying, “Sit down, all of you. Sit down! Be quiet, please, and listen to the end of the presentation. Shut up and sit down or I’ll fail the whole class!”
Order was slow to return and the camera stabilized again.
“I’m not making this up,” Brandon said. “I’m not pointing fingers but I’m not making this up. I know most of you have heard some version of what happened but I am going to fill you in on the actual events. Molly’s boyfriend, Lance Maher, got angry when Molly refused to have sex with him. So, Lance posts pictures which Molly believed would remain private. And when she confronted him he insulted her and physically abused her – on school property. He blamed Molly.”
There were more mumbles from the crowd and someone even said, “It was her fault.”
“He posted a lie online, portraying Molly as, please excuse me language, as a slut. Molly attempted suicide in the face of these events.”
Chaos reigned. People stood from their chairs and shouted at Brandon. The camera shook and for a while pointed directly at the floor.
Molly held her breath as muddled noises poured from the speakers. Finally the noise quieted and the camera was righted.
Brandon took a deep breath before continuing. “In summary: bullying isn’t a joke, we can’t dismiss it. It is normal, ordinary teens who are the bullies, and the victims. Teens need to be held accountable for their words and actions, in school, on the streets, and online. If we are not, more of us will commit suicide. Are there any questions?”
“How can you prove any of that?”
“The cases of Amanda Todd and Megan Meier are public record. As for Molly, I have only told you what I witnessed myself or was able to confirm with her parents or the detective investigating the photos.”
“Are the cops really charging people?” This voice sounded panicked.
“Yes, for sexual harassment, soliciting a minor, and spreading child pornography.”
“What does soliciting mean?”
From behind the camera the teacher’s voice said, “Asking someone for something, in this case, sex.”
“You couldn’t have known why Lance was fighting with Molly,” said a male voice.
“I do, actually. I witnessed the fight in the hallway and turned a video of it over to Mr. Penner.”
This uproar was smaller, mainly from the boys in the class, and it sounded like they were all demanding why Brandon would do such a horrible thing to such a cool person.
“All right,” the teacher roared. “Everyone is going to sit down. Brandon’s presentation is over; I’m putting an end to the questions. Sit down and …”
The video cut out.

Besides the fact that he’s an amazing story teller, there’s another reason I asked Uncle Len to be here today, and that’s because I want to speak about resiliency. Resiliency is the ability to adapt to adversity, the ability to cope with stress, and the ability to ‘bounce back’ from traumatic situations. There are many ways we can help youth become resilient, but the first is to help them build connections with other people.
This includes friendships but it is more than that. Often youth who are the targets of bullying do not trust their peers. They need a network of adults.
It can be any adult – a parent, a teacher, a coach, a youth leader, a pastor or other religious leader, a relative, a neighbour. So long as the adult listens without judgement, believes what the teen is telling them, offers advice and advocacy, and respects the teens privacy by keeping private conversations private they are helping add to the resiliency of that teen.
I was very lucky. My parents had a happy and loving marriage. There was no abuse at home. If I had a problem I could talk to my parents, or my four grandparents, or my aunts and uncles. I got along well with most of my teachers at every school I attended. There was always someone to turn to. And at a young age I was told that if there was ever anything I needed to talk about that I couldn’t go to my parents with I was to go to my godparents. I never needed to go to them in confidence, but knowing that there was someone I could go to if I had a problem made me feel secure.
One story in Rae of Hope illustrated this quite clearly. Teachers would not help her, there was abuse in the home, so after being expelled she ran away. She ended up in foster care and people started listening to her. She says in her story that if even one teacher had stepped forward and said, “I believe you” things would have been very different for her. It was the presence of a few good adults that started the positive her life.
One of the signs that a person is in an abusive relationship is that the abuser slowly encourages, or even forces, the abused to cut ties to their friends and family, isolating them so the abuse will go unnoticed, and so the abused will have no one to turn to. This is breaking down someone’s resiliency and this happens to Molly throughout the book.
Repeatedly Lance tells her “Your mom won’t understand”, “Your mom doesn’t want you to have a boyfriend” “Your mom doesn’t want you to be thin/popular/happy”, and eventually “your mom hates you”.
He also tries to drive a wedge between Molly and her life-long friend, Brandon, using the same tactics. “He’s not cool, he’ll drag you down”, “He doesn’t understand, doesn’t want you to be happy or popular” “He’s jealous of you” “He’s not really your friend”.
Fortunately for Molly none of the people closest to her really abandon her and when she needs them they are there for her.

So far I have talked mostly about bullying because that is what I have the most experience with, but suicide is a very serious issue as well. Mental health issues, including clinical depression, are the leading cause of suicide with medication issues, bullying, and abuse being other factors.
Sadly I cannot find any statistics on suicide newer than 2011, most of the statistics date back to 2000. Youth, when the age brackets are added up, have the highest suicide numbers in Canada. In 2011, there were 3728 reported and confirmed cases of suicide, and this does not count those who attempted suicide but lived. Of those 528 were under the age of 25. 29 were under the age of 15.
528 is a big number and it’s hard to visualize.
It’s roughly 26 full hockey teams. To put that in perspective, there are 30 teams in the NHL. Now imagine 26 of those teams disappearing this year.
“528” is more than half the population of my high school the year I graduated.
“528” is roughly 18 classrooms of elementary school students. Which equals roughly two entire K-8 schools.
More youth kill themselves every year than there are MPs in Canadian Parliament.
And these statistics only measure children over the age of 10. Jenna Nikki, a mother in Carlyle Saskatchewan, caught her son trying to hang himself at the age of 9. She is still fighting with the school board to end the bullying that drove him to that point.

I have felt a strong connection to every bullying survivor whose story I have heard or read. On Tuesday that changed. I have made the shift from survivor to fighter. Not because I’ve been bullied recently – the worst thing I’ve faced lately is indifference – but because my son was bullied. Now I feel a connection to Jenna Nikki, and to Jetta’s mom, and to Leah Parsons.
So far, my son has faced mild teasing, but it is happening on a fairly regular basis from multiple children. Tuesday morning, my son got an award at the school assembly. The virtue they were studying this month was respect. On Tuesday, in addition to the teasing, his sandwich was taken from him by two boys in his class and deliberately dropped on the floor. Right now this is mild. Right now it is the beginning of a problem that may just go away.
But I do not want to find my son with a belt around his closet bar in four years’ time.

Currently a student at my old high school is being bullied because he was born with dwarfism and the school is failing him – they can’t stop it. While I hope this won’t be the case at my son’s school, it is the case at many schools, and has been for many years.
The school that expelled the rape victim instead of the harassers because it was easier, the public school that allows Christian students to bully non-believers because most of the teachers are also Christian, the school that suspended a terrified teenage girl because it must have been her fault that everyone tormented her, the school that told a parent “tell your daughter to suck it up, words never killed anyone”, these schools are failing their students.
In Nothing Everything Nothing Molly’s school also fails her. These two scenes take place after the bullying starts but before her first attempt.
The first time Molly’s mother, Joanna, goes to the school, the principal is adamant that they can do nothing about the cyber-bullying because it started in the evening, outside of school hours and off of school property. He also refuses to do more than speak with Lance about giving Molly alcohol on school property because there was no proof. He does agree to cooperate with any police investigation that might arise.
And later, after speaking with the police and starting a formal investigation, Joanna and Molly return to speak with Mr. Penner a second time:

Joanna and Molly didn’t have to wait at all when they walked into school Monday morning. Mr. Penner was waiting for them and ushered them straight in to his office. After a quick exchange of pleasantries Mr. Penner got down to business.
“We were contacted by a Detective Price this morning. He says he’s in charge of the investigation into the pictures.”
Joanna simply nodded. “Good. And what’s going to be done about the pictures already in circulation?”
Mr. Penner’s eyebrows came together as he frowned. “The police are handling Lance and the photos, are they not?”
“Of course they are. But are you doing anything to stop the spread of those pictures? Can you be one hundred percent certain that not a single one of your students is viewing or sending those pictures while on school property?”
“That’s not something we can control.”
“All right, thank you. You have a good day today, Molly. I’m going to the newspaper to see if any of the reporters want to write a story on a high school that protects pedophiles. It was nice seeing you again, Mr. Penner.” She looped her purse over her arm and stood.
Mr. Penner also rose. “Now wait just one minute! We are not protecting anybody. If students are caught with those pictures they will be dealt with.”
“How?” Joanna pressed.
“Their phones are confiscated until the end of the day, as per the Electronic Device Usage Policy.”
“And?”
“That is the extent of our school policy.”
“You don’t report them to the police? You don’t inform their parents? What is it about Molly’s situation that makes this excusable?” Joanna’s voice was rising in volume and pitch as she spoke. “Do you think students in your school have the right to view them because Molly is sixteen and not twelve, or eight, or younger?”
“It’s nothing like that.”
Joanna sat again; her body angled forward, the perfect picture of attentiveness. “Then enlighten me. What would you do if it was the photo of a twelve year old rape victim?”
Mr. Penner cleared his throat. “We would call the parents and the police.”
“My daughter is a minor. She is being sexually harassed by a boy who is legally an adult. I assume you will do what is right in this situation.”
“Of course. Parents and police will be notified every time we find one of those photos on a phone belonging to one of our students.”
“Or staff members,” Joanna prompted.
“I resent that accusation.”
“I don’t care. This is my daughter’s reputation and future on the line. I want to know that you aren’t protecting anyone who is violating her privacy.”
“Should the unforgiveable circumstance arise, the police will be notified that a staff member is in possession of those photos.”
Molly looked from her mom to her principal and back again. She’d never seen her mom act like this before but it made speaking out a lot easier. “What about the boys who keep asking me for …er … favours?”
“You’ll have to report them,” Mr. Penner said.
“I don’t know their names. They just walk up to me at the bus loop. There are no teachers and I can’t come back in or I’ll miss my bus.”
“You’ll have to report them,” Mr. Penner repeated. “We can’t have a teacher shadow you everywhere, I’m sorry. How many times has this happened?”
“Twice,” Molly mumbled.
Mr. Penner glanced over at Joanna then said, “Tell us about every incident, even if you don’t know their names. We’ll keep a record. It will help us to know how many copies we’re looking for.”
“Thank-you,” Joanna said.

Up until now I have focused on the negative impacts of bullying, and failures of the system, but the book isn’t all negative, and neither is the journey of recovery. Many blogs spoke of good days, days when they would feel strong and almost normal, days when it was easy to pretend that there was nothing wrong. They also spoke of days when they could not even get out of bed and how these extremes were unpredictable.
During Molly’s recovery she has several moments of great strength. Her eight-year-old half-sister, Shannon, has a part in the school play. The performance takes place after Molly is released from the hospital and Molly agrees to go see it. This is her first time stepping out of the safety of her house since coming home from the hospital. That alone took great strength. But she is so impressed by her sister’s performance that she writes her sister a letter and slides it under her bedroom door.

“Shannon, I went to see your play this afternoon. You were amazing. You lit up the stage. You never forgot a line. I loved every minute you were on stage.
“I know I said some unforgivable things about you, and to you. I know I was mean to you. I know there are no excuses for how I acted. It was easier to hate you then feel guilty about hurting you. It was easier to blame you than to blame myself.
“You’re annoying sometimes, you really are. And sometimes I get angry at you. But today I was proud of you. Molly.”

After reading the letter Shannon bursts into Molly’s room and says “I don’t hate you either. You’re the best big sister in the world.”

Several weeks later, as Lance continues to harass her and Brandon she works up the courage to return to Lance everything he purchased for her while they were dating.

To everyone else Molly looked determined, single-minded, and strong. Inside Molly was shaking with terror and now that she was alone on Lance’s side step that terror was seeping through her brave façade.
She knocked again and took several deep breaths trying to slow her racing heart and steady her shaking hands.
Before she could talk herself around to running back to the car the door opened and all that separated Molly from Lance was a screen door.
He stared at her for a moment and then sneered. “Did you come back to pay up?”
“No. I came back to return something to you.”
The sneer dropped from his face and his eyes narrowed. “Return what?”
The closed screen door gave her courage and she dropped the bag on the step at her feet. “Everything you bought me is right here. And since I’m not in possession of it any more I don’t owe you anything.”
“I bought you food. I paid the taxes when you didn’t have enough money.”
“And I threw that shirt in the bag too. That’s twenty dollars you owe me for the shirt. Keep the shirt and the twenty and call it even.”
She stepped down onto the walkway.
“What am I supposed to do with a bag of clothes?”
“I don’t care,” she said without turning around. She forced herself to walk down the driveway when everything inside her was screaming at her to run before he came after her.

Lance doesn’t follow her and this isn’t the last time she encounters him. The next time doesn’t go as well and triggers a minor relapse. But this is the normal up-and-down of life after attempting suicide, or living with depression. Things that don’t bother you today will put you in tears tomorrow. Things that don’t scare you today will be so terrifying tomorrow that you will feel like running away, or cutting, or self-medicating. And then next day things might be better again, or worse yet. There is no real way to tell.

The book ends with an epilogue that takes place several years later when Molly finally graduates from high school. As her parents are leaving the dinner so she and Brandon can enjoy the party her mom sayd “We trust you. We are so proud of you, and we love you.” And the last line of the book is “And Molly believed them.”
There is a long road ahead of Molly. She still has scars, physical and emotional ones. Those scars will still cause her to have doubts and bad days. But she is finally in a position where she can see and believe in the love of those closest to her.
To my cousin, your story isn’t over.
To all teens and adults battling depression, you are not alone, your story isn’t over.

That is the end of my formal presentation. I would like to open things up to you for comments and questions about me and my writing, about the book, or about bullying, suicide, and other issues facing teens. I will try to answer everything as best I can.

Q&A PERIOD

If there are no other questions I’d like to thank my volunteers: Jon, John, Andy, Angil, Janet, Thea, Len, Steph, Sara and Larry, for their help with the event this evening. A big thank-you to our two sponsors, Modular Storage and Sobeys on Reenders. Thank-you Andy and Thea for your help with getting this book published, and thank-you to my aunt for the permission to use my cousin’s photo in the promotion of this book – it was nice to give Molly a face. A lot of people helped make this project possible and they are all thanked in a blog entry that will be published tomorrow morning.
I’m going to invite Stephanie back up here to help me with the door prize draw. As each ticket is drawn and announced the winner may come up to the table here and select their prize.
The prizes include a copy of Nothing Everything Nothing – if you’ve already purchased a copy we can refund your ten dollars, or you may keep both copies. This copy is special as it is the only one signed by me and by my cousin. There is also a signed copy of a collection of short fiction I self-published several years ago, and a collection of poetry I released at the same time. Only half a dozen copies were ever printed. There is a hard-cover coffee table edition of a poetry anthology in which I was featured with my poem bookmarked, and a collection of short fiction and poetry put out by a writing group I once participated in. Each book comes with a gift certificate to Modular Storage.

What to do with these teens?

Photo provided by Evan Wilman.  This is the cover for my upcoming novel.

Photo provided by Evan Wilman.
This is the cover for my upcoming novel.

A second preview of Nothing Everything Nothing, available in October. Part of the proceeds will go to Kids Help Phone to help teens in crisis.

Molly was halfway through her favourite song and chatting with Lance over Facebook when her mom called for her. She took her time pausing everything and stuck her head out her bedroom door. “What is it?” she yelled.
“Company! Why don’t you come and sit for a while?”
Molly huffed. “Fine!” She came into the living room and her frown deepened. Brandon and his mom were sitting on the couch.
“Hey, there you are. Grab a chair from the kitchen and join us. You’ve been cooped up in your room for days.”
“I have a lot of homework,” Molly muttered as she fetched the chair.
Barb smiled. “Brandon’s told me all about the project you two are working on. Maybe when it comes time to practice your presentation you’ll let us watch.”
“I’d like that,” Joanne said.
Brandon forced a smile. “We could try to arrange that, I guess.”
“Sure,” Molly said. “Why not? Doing it once in front of people is bad enough, what’s two or hell, even three more times?”
“Molly,” her mom snapped. “Language.”
“Whatever.”
Her mom frowned and an awkward silence hung in the air.
“I’m sure you two have a lot of work to do,” Joanne said. “I know Brandon didn’t bring his bag but they can work in Marlee’s room for a little while.”
“Mom, stop letting people into my room!”
“A girl’s room is her private place,” Barb said. “And she wasn’t expecting us. I’m sure there’re undies everywhere.”
“Fine,” Joanne. “At least grab your laptop and go downstairs.”
“I’ll meet you down there,” Brandon said.
“Do you see what I mean now?” Joanne said as soon as the teenagers were down the stairs. “I just don’t know what to do, Barb. It’s like she’s become a stranger these last few weeks.”
“We went through it too,” Barb replied. “I went a week without talking to my mom once. When I call her too often she likes to remind me of that little fact – followed by the suggestion that I repeat it.”
“Your mom has an evil sense of humour.”
“Yeah. Look, Molly’s going through a phase. You said there was a boy involved? She’ll get her heart broken and she’ll come crying to you and apologizing. Just remember to forgive and forget when the time comes.”
“I never know what to do with her. My parents were so strict, so conservative, that I rebelled as hard as I could and ended up out on my ass with a baby. But your parents were so laid back that you wound up pregnant too.”
Barb smiled. “They’re all different, and walking a middle ground is hard. You two will get through this. Just watch. I give it until the end of summer.”

Good advice? Maybe. You’ll have to read the novel to find out.
If you liked the preview and would like to help spread the word for a good cause please share and reblog this preview.

Of Blog Hops, Agent Tweets, and Editing Updates

What a week to catch a cold. My head feels like it’s stuffed with cotton balls (cliched, I know, but so true). It’s been busy, and not nearly as productive on the writing front as I would like. But the chores are getting done … mostly. *SIGH* Okay, I’m behind on everything. But you’re not here to listen to me rant.

Editing updates first! The first 40 pages of Nothing Everything Nothing are edited and formatted. That’s four chapters and all the front matter (title, copyright, dedication, etc). The worst is yet to come because chapters 5 and 6 start the spiral towards her suicide. If my head would clear I could get caught up.

Blog hopping next! I will be tagged in a self-promotion blog hop next week. The idea is that one author wrote up a self-promotion post and tagged 5 other writers, including their names and blog links. Supposedly their readers will click those links and the next set of links and the next and so on. So on September 22nd I’m scheduled to post my own self-promo page (there are some interview questions to answer I believe) and I will be tagging 5 other talented writers to continue the hop. I have three so far!

An interesting tweet came across my desk this morning – an agent looking for serious YA fiction (among other genres). Well, Nothing, Everything, Nothing is certainly serious. So I tweeted back “A YA novel about suicide wouldn’t fit that bill, would it? Editing to be done by the end of October.” If I get a response from her that she wants to see it I’ll be delaying the release of Nothing Everything Nothing until she decides if she wants it or not.

Finally, I would like to leave you with a parody/poem I wrote last night. I am Canadian and the weather in my country has been topsy-turvy of late. This song parody was inspired by photos of snow in Calgary and flooding on Ontario. It’s been a strange summer.

Surfing on Facebook tonight,
all these weather pics ain’t quite right.
It’s so strange to see snow in one town,
to the east the rain is pouring down.

Snow to the left of me, rain storms to the right,
here I am, in Manitoba it’s true.

Yes I’m, in Manitoba it’s true.
And I’m wondering what it is I should do.
It’s so hard to keep this smile from my face.
Seeing bad weather all over the place.

Snow to the left of me, rain storms to the right,
here I am, in Manitoba it’s true.

Well it started with tornadoes and those jumped right over us.
Now the snow is coming calling and we say “Keep it Albertans,
Please! Please!”

Trying to make some sense of it all
and I can see it makes no sense at all.
Is it cruel to laugh at all those poor blokes
and make them the butt of our jokes?

Snow to the left of me, rain storms to the right,
here I am, in Manitoba it’s true.

Well it started with tornadoes and those jumped right over us.
Now the snow is coming calling and we say “Keep it Albertans, Please! Please!”

Surfing on Facebook tonight,
all these weather pics ain’t quite right.
It’s so strange to see snow in one town,
to the east the rain is pouring down.

Snow to the left of me, rain storms to the right,
here I am, in Manitoba it’s true.
Yes I’m, in Manitoba it’s true. In Manitoba it’s true.

NOVEL PREVIEW

Here it is, as promised, the FIRST preview of Nothing, Everything, Nothing.

Molly is sixteen and she is desperate to be popular. She was finally accepted by a small gaggle of popular girls but always felt like she was on the edge, unable to take that last step to really belonging. Now she has Lance, an older boy who has eyes only for her. Popularity is finally within her reach, but at what cost?

Molly’s bad mood only got worse over the day. Because of her skipped classes she was behind in every subject and every teacher handed her missed notes and assignments, and expected the work to be handed in before the end of the week.
At lunch she was ready to go buy food from the canteen but Kirsten started going on about the new season of clothes coming in soon and the big season change sale and how nice it would be if Molly could shop the boutique stores with them and Lance had jokingly pinched her thigh. So Molly had a bottle of water for lunch even though her stomach was starting to cramp.
She loaded her bag and stormed out to the bus only to be intercepted by Lance. He smiled, took her bag, and wrapped an arm around her shoulders.
“Come hang out with me. I got us some beer.”
“I have a ton of homework.”
“I’ll help you with it,” he said, steering her away from her bus and towards the student lot. “I already passed those classes. I might even have some of those assignments laying around in an old binder somewhere, and then you could just copy the answers. Wouldn’t that be easier?”
“Yeah, it would be,” Marlee smiled.
She slipped into the car and they took off for Lance’s house. It was a nice house in a nicer suburb than Marlee lived in. Looking at the neighbouring houses she didn’t see any duplexes or townhouses which were the only types of housing on her street. Here the houses were mostly new with attached garages and big satellite dishes.
“Your mom has a nice garden,” Molly said.
Lance shrugged. “She likes digging out in the mud; I don’t see the point in it.”
“It makes the yard pretty, and it makes the house look like a nice, welcoming place.”
He smiled and kissed her forehead. “You’re such a sweetheart Molly.”
They went in the side door. Up a step was the kitchen that was nearly twice the size of Molly’s. Lance led the way down to the basement where a couple of couches took up most of the open space. There were doors along one wall and a small window near the ceiling of the other wall.
Lance went past the couches, turning on lights as he went. At the far end of the room was a bar fridge which Lance opened. He came back with two open beers. “Well, come on. Don’t be shy. I basically have the basement to myself so we can just kick back and relax. No one will bother us.”
Molly smiled and took the beer. She’d had wine a few times at special occasions and her mom had let her try beer once but she had found it too bitter and had never asked to try it again. Now she took a little sip and tried not to wince.
“Come on,” Lance said again.
Molly joined him on the couch and looked around. It was a standard basement rec room but since her basement was mostly unfinished and used for storage she thought it was very nice, and a little intimidating.
You’re popular now. You don’t have to care if your mom has a horrible basement, she thought, trying to push the insecurities aside.
Lance wrapped an arm over her shoulder and pulled her closer. “I like spending this alone time with you,” he said. “It’s nice not having Kirsten or the others here chattering at us or watching us.”
“I like Kirsten and the girls,” Molly said.
“So do I, they’re nice to hang out with, but not all the time. Sometimes I just want to be with you.” He kissed her cheek then turned her face so he could kiss her lips.
It wasn’t their first kiss but the others had all been quick and innocent. This one was lingered and seemed to ask for more. It made Molly’s stomach twist the same way waiting for a surprise did.
She’d never kissed a boy before Lance and she wasn’t sure how she was supposed to respond but she wanted more of those kisses so when he pulled away she leaned into him and kissed him again. He gave her kiss after delightful kiss all the while holding her close or caressing her arms and shoulders.
He finally pulled away, smiling. “I’ll put a movie on and we can enjoy our beer, and each other, for a few hours.”

Want to know what happens during those few hours? And in the next few weeks of Molly’s life?
NOTHING EVERYTHING NOTHING will be available October 2014.
Stay tuned for more previews.

Final Sneak Peek

Witty Bard Publishing’s first Science Fiction Anthology was released. Look for it on Amazon for e-reader. I’m hopeful the paperback edition will be up soon. In the mean time, why not read on for a final sneak peek into my short story, We Will Not Go Quietly?

Natalie was standing in the bathroom doorway, one hand clutching her stomach. “Are they gone?”
Kennedy nodded. “Yeah. Steve just got home, he scared them off.”
“I’ve never been so afraid in my life.”
Kennedy reached out and hugged her. “Me either.”
“I hate it, Kennedy. I hate being stuck here, I hate being afraid. I’ve always been afraid and I’m tired of it.”
Kennedy helped Natalie to the living room and fetched what was left of their wine and some candles from the kitchen. “What do you mean you’ve always been afraid? What did you have to be afraid of? You grew up in the suburbs with a good family and enough to eat!”
“There are things to fear here too. Like failure. And fathers.”
“Did your father beat you? Or rape you? Because where I grew up, that was reality.”
Natalie shook her head. “My mother was a World War II historian so I was always exposed to those stories and images. There was something about their pain that was so much more than the stories could tell that I tried to capture it myself. My father saw what I was working on and told me they were awful, ugly things, that I was corrupt and ugly inside, like my mother was. He said we were both wasting our time with a war that was eighty years in the past and completely irrelevant.”
“Stupid bastard,” Kennedy said, her voice quivering with anger.
Natalie huffed. “You’ve never seen them, how do you know he wasn’t right? And who actually wants to paint such awful things? I grew up thinking there was something wrong with me. I truly believed that if I painted what I loved I’d fail somehow at what I had set out to be.”
“I think you’ve got it backwards,” Kennedy said. “I think you fail when you stop trying to be the best you that you can be. I would love to see your paintings, if you kept them.”
Natalie nodded and led Kennedy to the attic door. They climbed up, taking the flashlights with them, and Natalie uncovered the stack of canvas.

Want to see what Kennedy sees when she pulls back the protective sheets? Pick up your copy of Witty Bard Publishing’s first Science Fiction Anthology, available tomorrow, on Amazon.

We Will Not Go Quietly is a story of a world silently at war and two women who have the courage to stand up for their believes against all odds. Come see how they overcome fear and step up to fight for a world on the edge of darkness.

Nothing Everything Nothing Cover Reveal

Photo provided by Evan Wilman.  This is the cover for my upcoming novel.

Photo provided by Evan Wilman.
This is the cover for my upcoming novel.

Here is the cover for my upcoming novel: Nothing, Everything, Nothing. The original photo was taken by Evan Wilman. The text was added by me. Copyright for the image belongs to Evan Wilman and I’m using it with permission.

I’m really happy with how the cover turned out. More accurately, I’m happy to have found the perfect image. I was really going for minimalist with this cover, something understated with a bit of punch to it. Like I said, I think this is perfect.

Nothing, Everything, Nothing. is a book about a teenage girl who is dragged into an terrible social situation which leads her to battle depression and attempt suicide. It is based on my own cousin’s struggles, as well as the cases of teens driven to suicide by harassment and bullying. Part of the proceeds will be donated to Kids Help Phone in honour of my cousin. The release is scheduled for late October, 2014.

Shares are appreciated – depression and suicide are issues that need to be explored and discussed. Thanks for your support.