Stop F*cking Up Halloween

I live in a rural area about 3 miles outside of a small town. I mean one main drag and two bays small. I mean a mile worth of pavement small. And I love it. We chose to go around the bays with our kids for Halloween because it’s the same small town where my husband trick-or-treated when he was a kid. This is our third year celebrating Halloween in this small town.

This year there were A LOT of dark houses. A LOT of houses with their cars parked horizontal across the driveway blocking visitors. When you’re already walking up to a quarter mile between driveways, to have multiple dark houses in a row is a real bummer for the kids. I know it’s a small town. I know it was rainy this year. But can we keep Halloween? Please?

I’m all for the youth group Halloween parties and the Church run All Saints Day parties and the safe trick or treat at the malls, I really am. Their was one year when it was frigid cold and blowing sleet on Halloween and the local mall offered safe trick or treat so Halloween didn’t have to be cancelled, this was about twelve years ago and the idea caught on. It’s great for bad weather or for little kids who can’t be out late or can’t walk far yet. But for those 4-14 year olds (hell let ’em trick or treat until their 30!) going door to door is an experience that should be had at least once.

My kids love it. I don’t want to go to another town, or into the city. I don’t want to go to the mall (though we did when the kids were very little). Of course I love Halloween and dress up and everything. I don’t say trick or treat at the door, I’m too old for that now, but I don’t turn down a treat from people who offer.

And to top it all off, now there’s an epidemic of pins in the chocolate bars! Seriously people!! WHAT THE SERIOUS FUCK!!!

This is a holiday that has become a celebration of the other. We can be anything or anyone we want. We can be cute or sexy or scary. It gives teens the chance to flirt with their own sexuality. It gives kids the chance to be super heroes. You get to run around in the dark and eat too much junk. AND YOU WANT TO RUIN THAT JOY BY STICKING NEEDLES IN CHOCOLATE BARS??


I just don’t understand why you would want to do this. Does it give you perverse pleasure to see children in the hospital? Are you trying to end traditional Halloween for everyone by making it “unsafe”?

Halloween is a simple joy. It really is. One year my son was Bob the Builder. He wore his own denim overalls and his own plaid shirt and his dad’s hard hat and carried a plastic hammer. It cost us nothing. On year he wore his rain jacket inside out with a pair of overalls and his dad’s ski goggles and went as a minion.

Please. Can we keep Halloween? Can we not muck this up for our kids? Please?


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