Trolled!

I don’t think I should be this excited but I kind of feel like being trolled by a woman-hater is a badge of honour. I’ve hit a certain level of reach and readership. I’ve hit a delicate subject in just the right way. Whatever it was, I got trolled!

In a previous entry I discussed the difference between men who are persistent but respectful in their pursuit of a female’s affections and men who are abusive assholes. In that blog I used two examples: the first the stereotypical “good guy” who stands by his female best friend, supporting her unconditionally in the hopes of her noticing him. I even went so far as to say that sometimes they fall in love, sometimes he decides she’s only a friend and moves on romantically to another love interest. But he respects her boundaries, the second was the guy who places undo pressure on a female friend, expecting or demanding more attention than she is willing to give. The first example was inspired by that song “I don’t mind spending every day out on your corner in the pouring rain” while the second was inspired by something a friend was going through.

The second entry he took offense to was the one about stereotypes that simplify women into “types”. That article went on to explore some stereotypes that simplify racial groups, and men too.

Here’s the comment, in its entirety, without editing or censoring.

In a way you teach men to support women through bad relationships? Seriously, is that that what makes a man ‘better’? If so, then the man is better off without a relationship. Supporting women through bad relationships, not one but multiple? Seriously? If a woman cannot even respect me that much and uses me as a keeper/foxhole for times when the bad guy fucked and dumped her and expects me to play the ‘nice guy’ and offer her emotional (and even financial and parental too if the bad guy makes her pregnant) support then she can forget about it. You prolly think all men to be dumb – enough to fall for this article!! The ones who don’t must be boy#2? But know what, I know my self-worth, i know I deserve better than these leeches; and I hope most men do, last thing a man needs in his home is a woman of lack of character or integrity as his wife. The title of this article should be: from a man to a mangina! Not that I expect anything saner from a feminazi. And those dating books you talk about athttps://casiaschreyer.wordpress.com/2016/04/10/women-are-just-people/ are not about stereotyping women, they are about how NOT to get used by women, they are about how NOT to get emasculated by bitter, damaged goods with poor experiences in relationships and anti-man attitude (you sound somewhat like that to be honest), those books are about how NOT to agree to a woman’s every assertion regardless of whether it is right or not, they are about why NOT to put women on a pedestal, they are about why NOT not to kiss a woman’s ass all the time and allow her to crawl all over you, they are about teaching guys to have an unique voice and OPINION which maybe different from that of the woman, they are about building self-confidence, they are about being ‘bad’ enough to attract women (even though women don’t confess it, almost all of them fall for bad guys one time or other, and that is a generalization which is true for 99% of women) but not as bad as you describe here – that is not taught in dating books. Lastly they are about protecting oneself from you and your sick kind. Maybe you should take your time to read The Game and other such books (rather than gender studies books) before posting your unfounded assumptions. Maybe then you would get a rare picture about what men ARE, and what men really WANT from women! That is, if you even CARE to learn, which I very much doubt because feminazis (as you have yourself proven in your ‘great’ blog) are often not just arrogant but also closed-minded fools playing the ‘victim card’ all the time. If all else fails you can always get an appointment with your local shrink for further treatment. Bye bye Ms. Feminazi and good luck to all your future ‘misandric’ endeavors.😛

First, I am not trying to teach “men” anything. I was trying to teach writers to avoid certain harmful stereotypes. What he says is legit, if he doesn’t want to support a woman through multiple bad relationships he doesn’t have to. No man should HAVE to do that. But it’s another one of those lovely stereotypes of romance novels that the good guy will wait indefinitely. My article was about two types of men and how they affect women, a narrow topic, and I do want to do an article about stereotypes and tropes that negatively affect men as well.

I don’t believe men are dumb. My father was a computer programmer. My husband fixes trains. Of five brother-in-laws (my sister’s husband, plus my husband’s 4 brothers) one is an app designer, one flies drones for a surveying company, one is studying to be a paramedic/firefighter, and two are farmers who can fix tractors and other vehicles. One of my grandfathers was a carpenter, the other worked in a factory as a supervisor (they made those big rolls of paper). My husband’s sister’s husband works in the surveying field. Many of my best teachers and professors were male. Of all these men most are sociable, friendly, and socially well adjusted, the others I simply don’t know well enough to judge. I don’t believe men are dumb. I believe there are dumb men out there. I believe there are dumb women out there. I believe that on occasion I can be pretty dumb too.

To say that ALL dating books are bad was not my intent, I only mentioned them because they were part of what inspired me to write the article. Just the titles. I will admit that I haven’t read one because the titles don’t appeal to me.

To single men looking for a woman to love and cherish I say this: don’t let her use you. Don’t be an emotional punching bag. Don’t let her play manipulative games with you. But don’t simplify her individuality. She is a person with interests and needs and desires, the same as you. Respect her interests, but if she doesn’t respect you then walk away.

This is my believe. This is my opinion. I am glad that this poster knows his self worth and will walk away from an emotionally abusive relationship.

To presume to know my reading list is arrogant. I am not a student of gender studies. I am a student of literature. The articles I write are intended for writers as advice for their writing and world building, not as dating advice, not as political advice or a political stand-point. I don’t read gender studies books. I am reading books on childhood development because I’m working on my ECE II diploma for work, but that’s the extent of my current non-fiction list. Everything else I read is indie published novels.

To say that any generalization is true even 99% of the time is presumptuous. However, I understand the psychological drive that makes bad boys so attractive to girls. Especially to teenage girls. I understand why the “transformative and redemptive” story arc is so popular in romance novels. So I would have to agree that a majority of straight women have, at one time or another, had a crush, or more, on a “bad boy”.

The rest of this comment is hate-speak. He is lumping me in with a specific group of women, a group I don’t belong to or agree with. Would he be surprised to learn that my husband, when we were dating, threw me in a snow bank? Yup. I challenged him, a cocky teenage challenge, that he wouldn’t dare throw me in the snow. So he did. And when I used to throw silly, attention-demanding “tantrums” to test his devotion, he didn’t cave, cater, or even wait for me. He never gave in. And I came to respect and love him for it. He keeps me down to earth and honest. I played full contact football in high school, just casually at lunch, and yes, those boys HIT me on the field. I was tripped, slammed into, tossed over shoulders, tossed aside, teased in lewd ways … that was part of the game. I expected it. I didn’t whine when they hit me. I didn’t play the victim card.

I do not consider myself close-minded. I am FOR gender equality. I am FOR marriage equality. I am FOR trans-friendly bathrooms. I let my daughter play firefighter and police officer. I let my son play with my daughter’s toy castle. I have homosexual family members whom I love dearly and will not name here because they are MY family and I also have friends who are not accepting and I will not hand over my family to be ridiculed. If anyone wants to comment with useful information on either side of this conversation I will approve the comment. I approved his comment. I want open conversation because it’s the only way we can learn anything.

To touch once more on the victim card – women are more likely to be victims of domestic abuse. Women who are murdered are more likely to be murdered by spouses than strangers. Yes, men are also victims, yes the stigma against male victims is strong, but that doesn’t mean all of women’s problems have disappeared. To acknowledge one is not to deny the other. To speak of one is not to ignore the other. We can converse about both, individually or at the same time. And I encourage people to do that here.

In my mind this person has completely missed the point of my posts. I am not advocating that men submit to women. I’m not advocating female dominance in any field. I am advocating against stereotypes, all stereotypes, and in those articles I address women’s issues. In future articles I plan to address men’s issues too. Which my husband often discusses with me so yes, I am aware of them and sensitive to them. But women’s problems are more immediate and personal for me because of my gender.

And it seems I have entered a larger arena on the matter if I am now attracting trolls to my blog.

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