Not Giving Up vs Not Taking No For An Answer

For readers who love a love story, and the writers who write them, this is a serious question.

Here’s a scenario for you:

A guy and a girl are good friends. He’s in love with her and she’s blind to it. He suggests maybe they could be more than friends, she firmly friend-zones him. He continues to support her through a series of bad relationships. They have movie nights and he never moves in for the snuggles. His hugs never cross into intimate. He never takes advantage of her when she’s drunk. He’s just there, never giving up that she’ll come around and see that he loves her. And maybe she does. Or maybe he gets tired of waiting, finds someone new, and they stay just friends. Of course in a novel she’d realize he was the only one who ever had her back and show up in the rain, pledging her love to him. Happily ever after.

Here’s another, and this one is true:

Girl gets dumped by boyfriend of roughly a year. They were living together so she’s had to move back in with Mom. A guy friend of hers comes out and says “Hey, I’ve liked you for a long time. You’re single now, maybe we could give it a shot”. She says “I value our friendship to much to risk ruining it with an attempt at romance. And I need some time and space to figure out my life right now.” So, not a total friend-zoning, but definitely asking for time and space. He asks again, and again, every other day. Texts her incessantly. Leaves little blue plastic penises in her jacket pocket (a not so subtle hint that she’s giving him “blue balls” perhaps?). Again and again she says, “I’m not dating anyone for a while, give me some space” and he doesn’t back off. Wants to treat her to lunch. Wants to watch movies and them starts with the hand on her thigh routine. She finally tells him off.

Can you see the difference?

Boy #1 respected his friend’s decision and never pushed. He just steadfastly stood by her. Boy #2 only wanted what he wanted and was not respectful. And this is the difference.

So, is the character in your romance novel a persistent friend? Or an abusive one? Because the guy who won’t take “no” for an answer when the question is “wanna date?” probably won’t take “no” for an answer when the question is “wanna fuck?”. The difference between not giving up and not taking no for an answer is respect.

We all love the idea of the underdog winning. We love to see true love win out over all obstacles. But please, let your persistent admirer the respectful kind.


3 thoughts on “Not Giving Up vs Not Taking No For An Answer

  1. In a way you teach men to support women through bad relationships? Seriously, is that that what makes a man ‘better’? If so, then the man is better off without a relationship. Supporting women through bad relationships, not one but multiple? Seriously? If a woman cannot even respect me that much and uses me as a keeper/foxhole for times when the bad guy fucked and dumped her and expects me to play the ‘nice guy’ and offer her emotional (and even financial and parental too if the bad guy makes her pregnant) support then she can forget about it. You prolly think all men to be dumb – enough to fall for this article!! The ones who don’t must be boy#2? But know what, I know my self-worth, i know I deserve better than these leeches; and I hope most men do, last thing a man needs in his home is a woman of lack of character or integrity as his wife. The title of this article should be: from a man to a mangina! Not that I expect anything saner from a feminazi. And those dating books you talk about at are not about stereotyping women, they are about how NOT to get used by women, they are about how NOT to get emasculated by bitter, damaged goods with poor experiences in relationships and anti-man attitude (you sound somewhat like that to be honest), those books are about how NOT to agree to a woman’s every assertion regardless of whether it is right or not, they are about why NOT to put women on a pedestal, they are about why NOT not to kiss a woman’s ass all the time and allow her to crawl all over you, they are about teaching guys to have an unique voice and OPINION which maybe different from that of the woman, they are about building self-confidence, they are about being ‘bad’ enough to attract women (even though women don’t confess it, almost all of them fall for bad guys one time or other, and that is a generalization which is true for 99% of women) but not as bad as you describe here – that is not taught in dating books. Lastly they are about protecting oneself from you and your sick kind. Maybe you should take your time to read The Game and other such books (rather than gender studies books) before posting your unfounded assumptions. Maybe then you would get a rare picture about what men ARE, and what men really WANT from women! That is, if you even CARE to learn, which I very much doubt because feminazis (as you have yourself proven in your ‘great’ blog) are often not just arrogant but also closed-minded fools playing the ‘victim card’ all the time. If all else fails you can always get an appointment with your local shrink for further treatment. Bye bye Ms. Feminazi and good luck to all your future ‘misandric’ endeavors. 😛


    • Thank you for your comments. The examples I used were two very narrow, specific examples used to illustrate one single trope in the romance genre. As for the other post, it was about stereotypes against women because I am a woman, it is what I know and what directly affects me. I did expand that rant to include several ethnic minorities, and even ended with “not all men are sex crazed cave-men”.
      I do not believe women have the right or privilege to use or abuse men and never did I say that. I was addressing two stereotypes in the romance genre.
      I do not believe all dating books are bad. I simply believe that many dating books simplify women and remove our individuality.
      I happen to be happily married. I don’t know what “men” want but I know what my husband wants from me, and what I want from him. Because we are individuals and our preferences, needs, and desires, are different from those of other people. Which is the point of my articles. So please, address me as Mrs. not Ms. because I am married.
      And trust me when I say that I am NOT a feminazi. I believe in gender equality, in an end to rape culture (which abuses men as well as women), and in mutual respect, understanding, and acceptance between all gender and sexual identities and preferences.
      I have never asked a man to wait for me while I fool around with assholes. I have never abused my husband, physically or emotionally. I am not emasculating my husband or my son. So I’m not sure why you are so angry with me.
      I think the language of “you and your sick kind” is what is wrong with this world. I speak out against stereotypes and you respond with harmful stereotypes (no you didn’t hurt my delicate feelings, but you are supporting a language of hate here).
      My “great” blog has less than 200 followers, not a great reach by internet standards. I do care to learn as much as possible from as many people as possible, but I’m afraid you have nothing but hate to teach, and that is something I am not interested in learning.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s